How to change your life and overcome your fears

Three things are certain in life: death, taxes and change. Among the three, most people face the first two with more success than the third. However, we have good news. There is a way to deal with a change in your life that will even be for your benefit. The concept of making changes to life is not the same for all, seems easy to some and frightening for others. The familiarity with the familiar and the already known is always safer and it safeguards from the fear of change, the threat of new and the terror against the unknown.

Taking the decision to make a change in your life, to make a fresh start, regardless if it is a small or large change, has the power to diminish you. A change does not always solve the problems you have with your self and others. The decision for change is good to be the result of an internal process and a clear understanding of what is actually you want to achieve with a change in your life. The believe that you can suddenly stop everything and make a fresh start is utopian: regardless how much you want to leave the past behind you. The best way to make a change is to face your past and plan for the future. Two key questions you will first have to set your self and respond with sincerity and responsibility are:

Why you want this change, what you expect to change?
The change is enough to make you feel satisfied?

Why you may need to make a change in your life?

The most common reasons that may make you to take the decision to make changes in your life are:

You may want to make a change to your life so as to stay committed in an old dream, which you do not want to abandon or replace it with something else.
Changes in life maybe the only way to escape from the deadlock you live in and correct the situation.
The need to prove to others and your self that you are able to carry out a change in your life and move forward.
We may have tried a lot of solutions and various ways to improve your live without success and you see change as the unique opportunity to solve your problems.
A combination of all the factors, i.e. To pursue an old dream, an old desire that looks like the only way to get you out of the impasse and make you feel and prove that you are able to achieve something beyond the ordinary.

Why you fear a change in your life?

The denial to change stems from the fear of loss. When you have doubts about a change in your life, ask yourself what is that you are afraid to lose? Is it about control? Is it self-respect, freedom, familiarity, income, or comfort? Discover the root of fear and try to get over it.

Accept that the discomfort, doubt and uncertainty are by-products of change. The more familiar you are with these feelings, the more you will be able to distinguish the real effects of change.

Acknowledge the disadvantages of not making any changes to your life. Imagine how boring life would be if you did not had to solve some problems or if you could not appreciate the hidden opportunities. It is like staying in a boring relationship, because you do want to bother into getting to know new people.

Acknowledge the benefits of change. Do not let your stubbornness hide the benefits of moving to a new situation.

If the reason you need to change is not clear you need to be patient. Do not hurry to make conclusions about its value. Give yourself time to prepare emotionally and psychologically.

Write in a piece of paper five advantages of a change in your life before allowing yourself to deal with the disadvantages. Do not hurry to condemn and to see only the negative side of things.

Realise how many advantages those who are willing to make changes in their lives enjoy. For example:

Their life rewards them.
The learn new things with the life challenges
The problems and drawbacks are a natural consequence of progress.
Change offers them opportunities for further development.

How to correctly approach a change in your life?

Accept your life’s reality

Try for a moment seeing your life in the eyes and accepting your own reality, whatever that might be. The life acceptance process will help you to identify the real difficulties and conflicts so that you will be able to resolve them. Bearing in mind that reality is always fluid and depends on how you approach it. It is not a given, consolidated entity. The acceptance of the liquidity is a painful process of curing.

Create a hierarchy of what is you want to change

Financial difficulties? Professional disappointment? Relationship problems? Communication problems? Unable to enjoy what you have? The belief that the difficulties are so complicated and that you will fail to handle them creates anxiety, stress, anger and frustration. Instead, the proper hierarchy of problems will make them tangible and give you a sense of control over them. Having in mind that this ranking should be based only on your own subjective judgment and not on what others believe. The subjectivity defines hierarchy. You should accept this without being frightened. That is you should trust your arbitrary subjectivity.

Get the opinion of people that you trust

To avoid sharing your thoughts and problems with others, often makes you feel trapped and isolated towards your difficulties, which inevitably are magnified in your thoughts. In contrast, the sharing of thoughts and difficulties with other people close to you, will help to minimize their significance, and will give you another perspective and possibly a real solution. Having in mind again that the others will give their own perspectives and views about your problems. It does not necessarily mean that you have to follow their advice. You have to listen carefully and consider their views when taking your decisions.

Plan for a smooth transition

Finding alternative solutions to the pressing situations around you, the abandonment of the absolute (with blindfolds) thinking and the ability to offer space and time to yourself to adapt to the new realities, are very valuable conditions. Equally necessary is the acceptance of your own pace and the balance between the things that you «must do» and the things that you would like to do.